The news is not good.

This morning, I found out my grandma has lung cancer. It hasn't really set in yet for me, I don't think. I'm sad about it but it certainly is not shocking for me unfortunately. She was in the hospital for many different respiratory issues this past summer and the last admission was the worst thus far. They thought she had had a heart attack. Looking back, I wonder why they didn't do a lung biopsy when she was admitted the last time to rule out lung cancer. Looking up the symptoms of lung cancer, she's textbook on all of them. Of course I don't want to look to other vices to blame them because that's what grieving people do right? We blame other people or things... it's part of the process. My grandma will get a PET scan early this coming week which will determine if it has metastasized and what stage she is in. To be honest, I'm expecting the worst. My grandma weighs maybe 80 lbs soaking wet and has deteriorated throughout the past few years. She has COPD, chronic bronchitis, horrible asthma, has 500 cats and is a former smoker. The one thing I am sure that ails her the most right now is 'who is going to take care of the cats when she dies?' because everyone believes she should have gotten rid of them a long time ago. They cannot afford it and with the way her asthma is, it's surely contributing to her coughing fits. But those cats are the only things she has in her life. Her and my grandpa barely speak, they're payments away from getting their home taken from them from the bank because the farm they used to live in never sold when they moved to Wisconsin so they've been paying two mortgages. So much that my grandma has taken a job at a bed and breakfast in their town cleaning rooms and I just found out today my grandpa, who used to be the owner of a company in Chicago, is working the night shift at WalMart collapsing boxes and packing things. He has a heart condition. At this stage in their lives, they should be enjoying life... not wondering if they're going to have enough money to pay their bills. It just breaks my heart :-( 

I'm sure it will all set in when we hear about the PET scan next week. I just have a very bad feeling about it. We're supposed to have a big family reunion next summer in Wisconsin... she's supposed to be at my wedding, hold my babies.... ok, I think it's setting in now. :-'( Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.