Training... and more training.

That's what I've been doing... and figuring out what to pack so I don't die during the walk. My training and breast cancer walk journey has been mostly documented on my breast cancer blog (http://2daywalk.blogspot.com/). This walk has been stressful in planning (especially now and raising the money) but I am so stinkin' excited to do this. <3

And the verdict is...

I passed!! I passed my first semester of nursing school! I am so glad. I don't think it's sunk in yet. I haven't jumped up and down.. probably because I know I'm in for the same crap next semester and the two after that. LOL But I'm grateful and am so happy. My patho teacher posted his grades at 1:30pm yesterday and then my NUR class instructor posted hers at 9pm last night, while I was at work. I was shaking when I went to check it on the computer... I got a 65/75 on the final and I could only get 20 wrong so I'll take 10! Now I feel like I can finally relax... next on my list is a massage! I just haven't made an appt yet. I am so tense and need to relax. I WILL enjoy my summer. It feels amazing not to have to study for anything or practice. Thank goodness. Everyone that has given me support has been wonderful and I could NOT (absolutely could not) do it without them. Some have been my rock, they listen constantly to my complaints (as well as my status updates on FB LOL) and it means more than anyone will know, just to have an outlet so I don't go clinically insane. THANK YOU.

Last Clinical, last day of school and a wonderfully fun night.

Well... where do I start? Where did I leave off?

I had my last clinical last Thursday where I did my remediation from skills test. Apparently I touched the side of the ABD package after putting my sterile gloves on (which makes no sense to me because the instructor complimented me on how conscientious I was of my sterile field.... so then how do you mark me off but compliment me? Why say anything at all?) and forgot to use an alcohol wipe to clean off the top of the JP before putting the top back on. That I completely forgot so I'll give them that. I did not have to retest... my clinical instructor just had me empty a JP in clinical, which I did fine with, and open a pair of sterile gloves (for pete's sake). I did fine and it supposedly did not affect my grade. I had my final clinical eval conference with my clinical instructor on Monday and she had very nice things to say. I got a C in clinical, which for first semester is great. It's weird to think of a C as great... still. 

I had my 2 finals Monday and Tuesday and we're still waiting for grades. It is killing me to wait like this. I am so nervous because I am so close in both classes. I need to do well and I studied by butt off. I just hope it was enough to move on to second semester. I can't even be excited yet about summer because I don't even know if I passed. It sucks! I did come home yesterday after my final and cleaned my room. I swear to God it was smothering me... It is spotless now (with the exception of a huge pile of nursing books against the wall) and I am almost caught up with laundry. I cannot even explain what a relief I felt after doing that.

Then we went out for drinks and appetizers last night with friends from nursing school to celebrate summer, even though we don't know if we all passed to semester 2. It was still an awesome time. <3

Now we wait for grades to be posted.... :-\

Florida is in 3 weeks and I am so excited!! I need a vacation so badly...

Remediation

Wow. What a great night it was until I got the email from my instructor saying In order to promote your success in the nursing program, the faculty decided that you will benefit from a remediation. This remediation will be handled by your clinical instructor during your last scheduled clinical day. The remediation form will be reviewed with during clinical. 

Talk about feeling super small.. and not in a good way. I know it's not the end of the world, I know it could always be worse. But I feel so stupid. I really felt good about this, like I really did well. I was sitting at the table tonight at Chevy's, with some girls from nursing school. We decided to go out for a margarita. We all kept checking our phones constantly to see if the results for skills had been posted. Finally, Angel got an email and it said she passed. Then Dorothy... then Andie. Sheri and I sat there and I just got this sinking feeling that I did not pass. Everyone kept positive saying "I'm sure she just hasn't gotten to you yet" but I knew. I finally did get the email after checking my phone repeatedly saying the above. Others got actual redo's they have to make appts for Friday with the lab instructors. Mine just said to review in clinical so I don't know what that means. I am most upset because I feel like I failure... I feel like I let my instructor down and I feel like I let myself down. I know there's many more failures to come (I'm sure) but for once, I'd just like to be decent at something... for something to just 'come' to me instead of having to work so hard for it. :( 

Ok, that's my pity party. I cried so hard on my way home from dinner I almost pulled over because I couldn't see through the tears. Silly but necessary. :( Is it May 18th?

Skills Test Complete....

Now that that's done... I can breathe a bit. I had a Patho exam this morning which I got a B on. Thank goodness!! I am very happy. 

Skills test for me was scheduled for 4:30pm so I came home in between Patho and skills. I took a shower and laid down for a bit to try and relax. Instead I am pretty sure I overdosed on Starburst and drove my mom crazy with how nervous I was. LOL I decided to just leave around 3pm in case parking was bad (like it always is unless you're there at 7am) and got there to talk to my friend who had just gone. She said she saw our clinical instructor before she went into the simulation hospital and it made her feel really good. I said "Oh, I wish she was here. She always makes me feel positive" and who comes up behind me but our clinical instructor! She wished me luck, told me to take a few deep breaths and that I know this stuff, I do well in clinical and it's obvious. She is SO sweet!! 

Not long after that, a upper semester student came out by us and asked if Amanda was out there. I said 'That's me.' and went to the simulation hospital. I was SO nervous. Seriously, just thinking about it again makes my stomach do a flip. They handed me a chart, I saw 'sterile dressing change, d/c non-rebreather mask, empty JP drain, if  >225ml, contact MD'. I gathered all of my things and had the bottle of saline when one of the instructors said 'we'll just do dry dressing, no saline needed today'. I gathered 2 4x4's, an ABD pad, tape and sterile gloves. Walked into the room, washed my hands, introduced myself, ID'd the patient, made sure everything in the room was safe (bed down etc), ABC's and assessed for pain. Of course, he had pain of 7/10 so I said I'd get pain meds for him, come back in 20 minutes to make sure the pain meds had an effect. I also realized I forgot to bring in a red biohazard bag. Ah, it figures. I told the dummy pt I'd be right back and took my chart with me. Came back in and repeated every step I had done thus far, includes WIPES and ABCs. I don't know if I had to (I would never do that in real life... IDing a pt every time you come back in the room.. you should know what the pt looks like during your shift I would think). I began preparing my sterile field on the pt's bedside table and put on my sterile gloves. I was so focused on being sterile... the instructor mentioned that I was conscientious of my sterile field so that was a plus! I finished putting the dressing on, took off my gloves, applied tape to the dressing. Emptied the JP drain, noted the site, no drainage or swelling at site. Noted the color in the drain and amount. Verbalized it would be disposed of in the toilet, then rinsed out in the sink and turned upside down on a paper towel. I lowered the bed, gave pt the call light, put his bedside table up and all of his belongings back on the table. Asked if there was anything I could get him and done! I forgot to date and initial the dressing. I hope to God that doesn't cause me to fail. :( I also am scared I broke sterile field but didn't realized it.... I just want to pass and not have to do it again. *sigh*

Skills Testing tomorrow.

Ahhh I am so scared. I am trying not to think about it but it's in the back of my mind. I'm studying for Patho because I must do well on this test. I go tomorrow at 4:30pm. My plan is to take this Patho test at 9am, come home and go over things for skills, get my uniform on and go back to school by 3:45pm. Scary!!

Closer to the storm.

Because of my awesome friends and their many prayers, I got a B on my last official "test" of NUR 111. Now I have my final to study for but more importantly, the skills testing I have on Monday at 4:30pm. I am trying not to think about it too much because my nerves will take over my reasonableness. I've practiced and am pretty confident on most things... what else can I do? I'll go to practice one last time tomorrow morning from 10am-1pm. Had clinical yesterday and had a woman that was in a car accident back in Feb. Was thrown out of the car after she took her seatbelt off to get something from her purse. The car rolled two times and landed on top of the woman. She broke 24 bones and has numerous other issues. Lots of craziness.

It's interesting. the people you expect to "check up" on you, make sure you're ok or just simply say 'thinking about you' don't yet the people you'd never expect to do that, do. Makes you think. While I was in the lab practicing today, the student who was playing my patient the second room I went to, came over to me and said "I just want to say that I was very impressed by you during your simulation and that you're going to make an outstanding nurse". I could have cried. It was beyond nice of her to say that and I was speechless. I managed a 'thank you very much for saying that' and smiled. I really wanted to just hug her. I got a card from Jane, of encouragement a few days ago. It was very sweet. And I'm beyond grateful to my friends that listen to me vent. I know it can get old but it makes me feel a little better to get it out. To be honest, people can pretend to know what nursing students go through but until you've been there, you have no clue. It's different than anything I've ever done. It's different than anything anyone in that program has ever done. The stress level is beyond measure. I still try to be there for everyone as best I can... I hate that I can't do more things for people simply because I do not have the time. Yesterday after clinical, I scarfed down a sandwich on my way home, showered (again), went to the best doughnut shop around here and bought 2 dozen doughnuts for the nurses at work since it's Nurses Week, stopped at Walmart to get a pedometer for work and picked up something to have for dinner since we have no time to go to the cafeteria.. got to work at 2:40pm. 20 minutes to spare. Barely because I had to change in my scrubs and go to the unit. By that time, it was time to punch in. Exhaustedness. At this point, I just want to sleep. :(