Ok so I know this is completely ridiculous. Normally I'm a bit more grounded than the following post:
I am still so bummed about Tyler not replying to me. Twice. I'm sad that, at this point, we haven't met or even given it a chance. Now, the logical side of me says things could be going on in his life that I don't know about it maybe it's not the right time. But even just as a friend... getting to know him. I don't know. Every time I'm on Facebook now, I look for him or see if he's online. Yeah it's probably considered stalking lol but it got me all butterfly-ish when he commented on my status last week. It's like he's a tease and it's driving me bananas.
Meanwhile today was a much better day at school compared to Monday. Ugh, that was just awful. My hospital for clinical has started a new medication administration procedure with scanning meds into the computer before giving them. The students have not been oriented to this system (it just started around Christmas so it's fairly new). Because of this, we will not have the opportunity to pass medication to real patients this semester. To make up for this, the two instructors for the Thursday am clinicals (mine and another group) decided to have a 'medication simulation experience' for two people at a time for one hour in our new simulation hospital. I signed up for today from 1-2pm with another girl from my group.
I know how to pass meds. I know the 7 rights and 3 checks. They told us we'd need to do a head to toe assessment as well and that there would be actual people in the beds, not dummies. I went into the simulation hospital and they were still finishing up with other people that were before me. My instructor told me she'd be with me in a moment but to look at the computer in the meantime to find the patient's progress notes, med sheet, MD orders etc. I did that, felt confident in everything and waited for my instructor. The lab person (she co-manages the lab) told me I could go see my patient and begin my assessment. I was a little confused because my instructor said she'd be with me in a minute but someone else was telling me to go do my assessment. I wasn't about to question so I went.
I got into the room, introduced myself and my role, checked the ID band, made sure the bed was locked and low, did my safety check. Then I was looking for the hand sanitizer, which is what I think just completely flustered me. It was right in front of me the whole time and I looked around saying 'I'm just going to clean my hands if I can find the sanitizer!' and the student in the bed was just silent. She finally said 'They've been using that one on the wall' and I just felt like the biggest dumb ass that ever lived. I tried to recover from that but it just went downhill from there. :( I asked if she was in any pain and she said no but her IV site was itching and they had made it to look like it was red. Normally I'd say 'Ok I'll tell your nurse' but kinda don't think that'd fly here seeing as that's me. Then because I was so flustered, we were always told that if we're in simulation and we need a break, to say 'I need a time out for a second'. So I did... and the "patient" just stared at me like I was such an idiot. I said "Ok I'm going to take your blood pressure, I'll be right back" and got the hell out of that room. I tried to just keep going, even though I was on the verge of tears, and asked where the BP cuffs were. The lab manager showed me and before I went back in said 'Ok you know what? I just need a moment' and she said 'Sure, why don't you go sit at the table and take a minute'. I sat down and the tears just flowed. My friend sitting across from me said I was so pale and I could feel my heart.gif racing about 200 beats a minute. My clinical instructor (the one who originally told me she'd be with me in a moment) came over and was just so nice saying 'how about some water? would you like to take a walk?' I declined both and just sat there for a bit longer. The lab manager came over and said "Your patient went to X Ray ;) and will be back soon" since the simulation hospital is supposed to be "real". She came back to me about 10 minutes later and said my patient is back from X Ray and I could go in when I was ready.
This time it was a different person in a different room and I felt so much better. I went in and checked the ID, which said the wrong name so I excused myself and walked out, alerting the "charge nurse" aka lab manager. I wasn't sure if that was a trick or if it was accidental. They changed the ID and I did everything fine. I came back out of the room and did meds with my clinical instructor, drew up Heparin and she said I did very well and was very safe. In our conference after passing the meds, she said she knows it can be nerve-wracking with people watching but she knows I am capable of these things just by watching me in clinical at the hospital. It made me feel better but I am still so embarrassed that I got all flustered on something so ridiculous like a head to toe assessment that we weren't even being tested on... and even more embarrassed that tears actually flowed. :(
I am so not looking forward to skills testing in 3 weeks :( Pray for me.
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